… the customer demanded that the waitress be arrested for the slow toast order … “We don’t have any cash. This is a dentist office.” … they realized that the semi-driver was a Golden Lab. … “I think it’s called (Pikachu) or whatever” … an 11-year-old boy stole a cement truck … driving a lawnmower drunk through Eyota … the woman spent more than $20,000 on her cat … ignored five barricades before driving over 3,500 feet of freshly poured concrete.
It’s our annual look back at the best (read: strangest) stories of the past year.
This is the kind of crime that makes you rethink the death penalty in Minnesota.
In October, a Byron man was arrested after police believe that, on at least three occasions, he entered a neighbor’s home and stole beer from his refrigerator. The suspect was caught after the victim installed a trail cam in his kitchen.
And now authorities are just waiting until their suspect finally breaks down and makes the kind of big-ticket purchase that will inevitably give him away.
In January, a 41-year-old man was smoking outside a building on the 1200 block of 4th Street NW at about 8 p.m. on a Sunday when a man allegedly approached him and asked for money. When the victim told the man he only had $2, the robber pulled out a handgun and demanded the cash. The victim gave him the money, and the robber took off in a getaway vehicle. Police later found a car matching the description, and officers recovered a BB handgun under the passenger seat. Police said a woman was driving the car, though they had a description and information on the suspect.
“I thought it said ‘barking’ brake.”
In March, passersby in Mankato saw a semi-truck drive across a parking lot, across a street, and over a curb before it smashed into a parked car and hit a tree. When they went to check on the driver, they realized that the driver was a yellow Lab. The dog, and this is all human explanation, apparently “accidentally” shifted the semi into gear when it was left idling after its human driver left the vehicle unoccupied.
The attempted robber then filled out a number of insurance claim forms, and should be receiving his money “in a few months.” Also, he made off with a tiny tube of toothpaste and a roll of Dora The Explorer stickers.
In March, a man entered a Second Street SW dental office and handed the receptionist a note that said “Give me all your money.” The employee, according to police, then put her hands up and told the would-be robber, “We don’t have any cash. This is a dentist office.” The suspect stared at her before he took the note and ran out the door.
I have three quarters, two dimes, and a nickel. Will that work?
In February, a man inside a Fourth Street SE bar was repeatedly asking bar patrons if they had a dollar bill that he could use to snort cocaine. A bouncer then found the man’s phone with a bag of white powder in the bathroom, where the bouncer pinned the man to the ground and called police.
When I was 11, I still couldn’t always figure out how to make my pedal car go forward.
In March, an 11-year-old boy stole a cement truck in Dodge Center and then took the 25,000-pound vehicle on a 72-minute joyride throughout Dodge County that included reaching speeds of 70 miles per hour, sideswiping then broadsiding a squad car, and continuing to speed on flat tires after driving over stop sticks. He was eventually surrounded in a cul de sac and captured after a short foot chase.
“Your fare was only $12. As change, I will give you these pearl earrings, appraised at $2,788.”
In April, a Rochester man, according to police reports, asked to see a $2,800, 1.25-carat diamond ring at an Apache Mall jewelry store, and then ran out of the store with the ring. A few minutes later, a cab driver near the scene called police to report that a fare had asked for a ride and offered to pay with a diamond ring.
And, the biggest question this story raises: Dollar General sells lumber?
In June, an Eyota man was arrested after allegedly driving a lawnmower drunk through Eyota. As well as being described as “well over the limit,” he also “kicked a female deputy in the arm” and “stole lumber from Dollar General.”
In her defense, HOW THE HELL LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO MAKE MY DAMN TOAST AND BUTTER IT AND BRING IT TO MY TABLE! MY TOAST! WHERE THE DAMN HELL IS MY DAMN TOAST!?
In May, on a Friday, at 2:30 a.m., a 21-year-old Rochester woman was ticketed for disorderly conduct after police say she began screaming and swearing at a waitress who took what she deemed too long to deliver an order of toast. When police arrived, the customer demanded that the waitress be arrested for the slow toast order.
In the players’ defense, WHY DOES THAT DAMN GUY IN THAT APARTMENT WINDOW KEEP BEING A BUZZ KILL? I FOUND A POKEMON HOTSPOT, AND I JUST WANT TO GIGGLE AND HIT PIKACHU AND YELL ‘I GOT IT!’ WITHOUT SOME GUY SCREAMING AT ME!”
In July, a Rochester resident described the nightly scene around his downtown apartment as a “nightmare” due to the proximity of a Pokemon “hotspot,” a location in which players of the popular smartphone game Pokemon Go gather. “I can hear them laughing and giggling,” he told the Post Bulletin. “They’ll hit—I think it’s called (Pikachu) or whatever it is—and you hear these people just scream, ‘I got it. I got it.’”
Good Lord! My drive just hit a dog, and ITS HEAD FLEW OFF!
In July, Soldiers Field Golf Course began using “decoy dogs”—plastic silhouettes of German shepherds—to keep Canada geese (and their droppings) off the course. The course has also encouraged dog owners to bring actual dogs to the course to confuse the geese even more.
“Sorry to inconvenience you, sir. I didn’t realize you played basketball for the Warriors, so you may continue with this drunken driving vehicle theft. Wait a second … this says it’s the Santa Cruz Warriors!”
In July, a man stole an airport shuttle van that was left temporarily unattended in front of a hotel in the 200 block of Broadway Avenue South. When officers stopped the stolen van a few blocks away, the driver, a 28-year-old man from Tampa, told the Rochester police officer that it was OK, because he played basketball for the “Warriors.” A quick check revealed that the man had, in fact, played for the Santa Cruz Warriors of the NBA Development League, but had been waived by the team in March. He was charged with third-degree DWI and theft of a motor vehicle.
In December of 2015, while filming a live, on-the-scene report outside a Rochester bank that had been robbed the previous day, KIMT reporter Adam Sallet was interrupted in his report. By the robber. Who had struck the same bank two days in a row, and then WAS CAUGHT ON LIVE TV RUNNING OUT OF THE BANK. In October, the robber, a 37-year-old Rochester man, was sentenced to 115 months in prison.
Harambe Preschool? Preschooly McPreschoolface? Harambe McSchoolyface?
In September, Rochester Public School officials announced that they were taking suggestions for the renaming of the Burr Oak building, which will be a preschool in 2017. In November, the school board approved the name Mighty Oaks Early Learning School.